Femininity and Masculinity

All human beings posses both, the masculine and the feminine aspect – two contrasting forces that are drawn towards each other. The feminine aspect is charged with negative polarity, yin, that welcomes, draws towards herself all that she desires, whereas the masculine aspect is overflowing with positive polarity, yang, that righteously fuels a man to take action towards achieving his goals. The feminine aspect is bound to be more abundant in women, but present in men as well, while the masculine should prevail in men, but should also be found in women.

One look at the western societies tells us that the aforementioned structure has been shattered, since most people – both men and women – predominantly live in their masculine essence of action, action, action. This should not come as a surprise if you take into account our education, our upbringing and the values that were passed on from a few generations back. We have all been taught since very early on that striving, pushing it and making it happen is the way to get things done around here. Having no other model to look up to, us women took up the masculine dynamic, went out into the world, achieved … and got back home exhausted and needing to take care of the kids, home, and our partner.

While the masculine approach may well serve men in initiating and igniting their desires, it will only drain, wear out and bring women to their last legs. Funnily enough, as I was checking the synonyms for “exhausted” on the internet, the dictionary’s first example sentence for the word “tired” said: “She came home tired from work.” You don’t really believe it was a coincidence that she was tired, not him? If even dictionaries, written by men and women in our society, say that women are bound to come home tired from work, it must also be written in our collective consciousness that the feminine aspect was not designed to fit the masculine society’s tight schedule. Indeed, women are not meant to use up much energy and force in order to achieve, because we excel at attracting and accepting the energy that we have pulled towards us. And yes, we accept everything that comes our way, including the energies and outcomes we might not want. For instance, did you know that during a sexual intercourse the woman accepts into her literal body not only the man’s penis, but his emotional state with all the baggage as well? Everything we as women accept into our own energy field, into our own being keeps piling up in our wombs until our creative centre is brimming with feelings and beliefs that not necessarily serve us.

If we know that as women we will accept everything that comes our way, we can start now to be the judge of what’s coming. To be the judges of what’s coming, the magnificent creators of our own life experiences, we must learn how to live from the feminine.

But how?

By listening, not speaking. Now shhh; open your inner ear.

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A Sense of Worthiness

When was the last time you asked yourself a couple of questions:

*What do I consider worthy?

*What is my worth?

I got to thinking about worth because I’m digging deep into my perception of abundance, and the two appear to be inherently linked, so let’s see.

I was talking to my grandmother the other day, when she suddenly asked me a question: “How worthy am I if your sister didn’t even come and say hi when she went away for her holiday?” My sister lives next door from her, so my grandmother expected her to come and greet before she set off.  She didn’t come, my grandmother felt hurt. Of course you’re not allowed to say out loud that you’re feeling hurt, because that would imply you’re vulnerable, which is totally unacceptable, so she asked me the above question to camouflage it. I told her that she was feeling hurt because she expected Jana to come and say hi and that Jana didn’t have anything to do with her worth; or rather, her sense of worthiness. That is something we decide for ourselves. You get to choose your worth by everything you do or say, every moment of every day.

She didn’t follow my lead. She couldn’t grasp the concept I was trying to feed her: “Me determining my own worth?! Bollocks.” I can understand that. She has after all been taught throughout her whole life that one’s worth is estimated by others given their attitude. External verification of one’s light is a domain that the patriarchal society and church have bestowed upon us.

In an attempt to change the subject, my grandmother went on to say she should have really cut her fingernails, but ran out of time because she prioritized doing everything else for everybody else instead. I exclaimed, eppur-si-muove-dly: “See, this is it! That’s the reason Jana never came to say goodbye! She doesn’t know your worth because you never affirmed it yourself.” Not only did she not affirm her worth, my grandma demeans it on every occasion. Whenever she invites us for lunch, she starts of my belittling herself and her work with: “oh, it’s not salty enough”, or “it’s too watery” and “this is only good to flush your bowels”. One can’t feel worthy when one says that. It’s just not possible. And when we thank her for the meal before leacing, she never says: “You’re welcome”. By that she would acknowledge her service and affirm her worth. Instead she always says: “Thank you? For that poverty?”

It breaks my heart to witness the suffocated feminine. But it’s us, it’s our generation who must change that; on behalf of our mothers, grandmothers and all of the generations of women who came before us. Only after we determine that we are the most important person in our lives, we start feeling worthy. And when we live out of that kind of worthy, others can see it and respect it, cherish it, monitor it, copy it. When we feel worthy, people around us can feel it, too, and therefore give us all the respect we want and need. But it is ourselves who must initiate it!

*What’s my worth?

To answer that, we need to get naked, both physically and spiritually, and ask ourselves: WHAT AM I …

… without my job

… without my flat

… without my family and friends

… without my money

… without my kids

… without the expressions of self, be it writing, singing, dance, macramé, yoga, ceramics, clothes or whatever way you find to bring the essence of self into something you can see and hold in your hands?

Worthiness is a big topic. It’s huge, actually. We’re not nearly done yet, for the more I am willing to open up and unveil the parts of me I didn’t know existed, the more vulnerable I feel. The more vulnerable I feel, the readier I become to shed off the shades. The more shades I disarm myself of, the stronger I stand in what’s remained.

And that is my worth, today.

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Highs and Lows

Yesterday was Mary Magdalene’s memorial and my desire to spend it in a women’s circle came true. I went to an Indian sweat lodge at a friend’s place. It was held exclusively for women and each and every one of us felt the strong, natural, raw feminine energies that are present when women gather in a circle, sing and share. The feminine energy has a lot to do with the feeling of support that I was talking about yesterday, and it has nothing to do with shame, comparison, or jealousy. The sisterhood means we are all equal in front of The Great Spirit, Wakan Tanka, God and/or Goddess, the Universe, and at the same time every one of us has a special flavour to her essence.  At one point in between our chanting, our fire-keeper (also a woman) went from sitting to lying down on her mat, opened her legs and showed her yoni to the sacred fire in the middle of the circle. Can you imagine how relaxed she must have felt? Being natural is what happens when you shave off of shame.

As this was my first sweat lodge ever, I didn’t know what to expect and I felt a bit of tension. However, everything turned out amazing, though: Svarun visited me and talked to me about our mission, and at a certain point I even had a totally unexpected vision of a totem animal. All of this was possible because of surrender. During the second break, where we delved deep into the relationships with fellow humans, I felt the urge to run outside and lie on the ground, tummy side down. In the moment when the cold, humid grass kissed my hot body, I had this transcendental experience of not being totally in the body anymore, but somewhere in between. It was then when it crossed my mind: “The Indians really knew how to push their bodies to the limit and make them surrender to the experience, so that the soul could have a spiritual experience.” All in all, we had an amazing time.

As we were closing the circle this morning, one of the women said: “I wish I knew how to keep this elevated feeling forever, but it always vanishes after a few days.” I remembered my experiences of flying high and then crashing down low when reality hit in with bills to pay and things to take care of. It’s a contrast. One day you’re all centred, calm, hyped up and blissfully aware of all and everything, and then the next day you’re back in a non-tidy home, back in all of the relationships and back running out of time to do your yoga. Abraham says we should love this contrast, but sometimes it seems like a really hard thing to do, doesn’t it? I mean, who wouldn’t want to be high-flying all the time? The thing is, if we were flying high all the time, it wouldn’t even seem that high anymore. Until there is a contrast, we can’t really grasp how high we actually were. Life doesn’t go straight down the road, it goes in circles so that we are able to: a) appreciate how high we can get, and b) train ourselves how to go back up as quickly as possible. Practicing how to get on a higher vibration gives us power, gives us strength, and it convinces us that we are the captains of our boats.

How do we do it? The best way is to be mindful when something awesome is happening by closing our eyes and becoming aware of everything that we are feeling. A tingling in your nose? Mouth corners up? A beating excitement in your chest? Stardust on your crown chakra?

Consider it all.

Memorize how it feels when you are flying high, and where in your body you feel it.

Practice applying the indicators when you don’t feel on top of the world anymore. The will is the key.

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With my dear sister Nika, who took piano lessons with me in third grade. Our friendship started thus 20 years ago.

Happy Feast Day, Everyone!

Today is the 2nd time we get to celebrate St. Mary Magdalene’s Day since Pope Francis raised her memorial last year. Once considered a prostitute by the Church, she was now proclaimed a saint. There is nothing more terrifying to men in position than an awakened woman, says Dale Allen Hoffman, who has been studying the topic of Biblical mysticism for decades now. I encountered his work a few weeks ago, and I just can’t get enough of the inspiration. He is a “civilian scholar”, mystic and energetic healer, who works with sound a lot. At the beginning of each of his events, he does the arameic (the language that Jesus and Mary Magdalene spoke) toning, because he says that us humans we can feel the sound vibration of words better then understand the meaning of them. Amazing.

I consider Mary Magdalene one of my guardians, which simply means that I keep her energy close to my heart at all times. The sacred feminine is something that I’ve been drawn to embody for the past six years, and I got in touch with Mary Magdalene’s archetype via a dear friend. As a priestess of the Temple of Isis (the ancient Egyptian virgin goddess, whose story suspiciously resembles the story of Mary, mother of Jesus), her biggest quality in my opinion is drawing together women of all colours and sizes, but with the same burning desire within their hearts and their yonis. This desire is to embrace the sacred feminine energy into our bodies, minds and souls and to live it. Mary Magdalene draws together priestesses, and this quality is highly necessary nowadays, because us women need sisterhood. We need it just as men need brotherhood, none is more important than the other. But up to this day, it has been easier for men to “join in circle” (ha, men would never say that) because in most cases women are the keepers of the home and thus … well, stuck home. Women need sisterhood not in order to survive – although this is debatable – but to thrive and grow and expand beyond the imagination of our minds and into the limitless potential of our souls. Because all we are really up to is grow and expand. Grow out of yesterday’s skin and expand through the experience of a new day. Now just imagine what it would be like if you knew that there was a circle of women, a circle of sisters standing behind you and cheering your way every time you faced a challenge?

The world needs women who are stepping out and into the world, to give that precious gift that only they can give to help our planet thrive. Giving is the most natural thing to women because of our innate knowledge that the well of love cannot be emptied. But if this giving is not in balance with receiving, we are left tired and unkept. So what the women who are stepping our need is to receive support and acknowledgement and respect. And if this patriarchal society won’t give it to them, then their sisterhood will. Won’t we?

If there is a women’s circle where you live or nearby, go attend, or have a girl’s night out. I’m just heading out to join women at a sweat lodge, where we’ll have a ritual. I am really looking forward to it, because there are a lot of things that are no longer serving me and I need to let go and give them to Mother Nature, trusting that she will transform them into something that serves all of us. As ever. If there is no such thing taking place, at least go listen to one of Dale’s amazing lectures and tone with him in the ancient language that cannot leave you stoic.

Happy sisterhood day, loves.

Hasta mañana.

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