Hey, guys, I’m in …

… France.

We arrived last Tuesday to do some seasonal work of grape-picking in Champagne. As soon as I learned about the possibility of it this year, I knew this was something I wanted to pursue. I heard a lot of warnings about it being a really hard work and I didn’t want to be away from Svarun for two weeks, but if I listened closely, I could hear my soul clearly, telling me that this was the experience she wanted. This would be a unique opportunity to earn good money in a short while, to spend some more than 24 hours’ worth quality-time with my boyfriend alone; this is something we haven’t done in eighteen months of knowing each other. And it would be a good time to recalibrate myself within the relationships I have with the people I love the most: my son, my boyfriend, my parents, my friends and my sisters. The Universe agreed, so we took off on Monday night.

Thus far I can’t tell you what the work is like and – maybe even more important – what the payment amounts to, because we start the work tomorrow. But I can tell you about

Being in an intimate relationship that works for me is hardest thing ever. I am certain I have come here to learn how to make it work, while being me, and being happy and whole all the way through. They say that the ego is the price for true love and I have come to think that it might be true, because being here with my loved one is boiling my stubborn self onto the surface big time. My stubborn self tells me I’m the captain of my boat, and I am eternally grateful for being able to hear the echo of these words on the inside. She mostly acts as my cheerleader, who gives me the faith in myself that I need if I want to do things that matter. Sometimes, though, she will make me believe that I should always come up with my own solutions, even though others’ ideas may serve me better. You see, my stubborn self considers taking an advice to be a failure, because it’s not mine enough. My stubborn self is doing everything to protect me from getting hurt she’ll even say things like:

You’ve come this far to get a glimpse of who you are that I’m afraid you might forget what being you is all about if you follow the path of least resistance.”

Come to think about it, that does not serve, but imprisons me into thinking that I should always do it on my own. And “on my own” sometimes feels like a very lonely place. Basically, it is just like saying: “I’ve travelled 1200 kilometers to get a glimpse of what a vreiment croissant beurre (the real deal butter croissant) tastes like that I’m afraid I might forget the taste when I get home. So whenever I want a butter croissant, I should travel 1200 kilometers because purchasing it at a local French bakery doesn’t cut it.” What?!

Aren’t we here to learn to distinguish what works and what doesn’t? Aren’t we here to learn to recognize the path of least resistance and follow the signs onward?

Doing my own thing, even when I recognize is not working, is not the path of least resistance, while dissolving the attachment to “mine” is. While I still believe all of the answers are dug deep inside of us, I have come to accept that I’m not less of myself when I follow an advice. I’m not less of myself if I can admit I’m wrong, or I’m being mean, or I’m being insulting; I’m on the way to more. And expansion is what my soul loves to do.

The path of least resistance is the one we can follow only if we’re done believing what we’ve been told; that live is a struggle, that we ought to fight to do it right, that most of our energy should be used to make a living … not a life.

Life, anyone?

france

Accept the Invitation

I thought I was going to write about the ego today, because I really delved deep into feeling the feels. You see, I promised my grandmother I would help her pick string beans from my parents’ garden, so we spent the whole morning together. My father’s mother is usually the first person to trigger me into reacting, but we ended up having a really nice conversation in the fields and it got me thinking what it takes to invite more flow into relationships. But since throughout the day my answer to just about everything was “I can’t say anything for I can’t find my wallet”, I just wanted to tell the Universe, here and now, that: “I accept your invitation, dude!”

You see, when Svarun was waving me goodbye, and I thought about the solo-week ahead, two things I want to in these seven days immediately came into my awareness. The first one is: “I’m not going to the grocery shop for the whole week ahead”. This doesn’t mean I was planning to starve myself, but rather to use up what I have in stock and the bounty from both mine, as well as my parents’ gardens. The second thing was: “I haven’t hitchhiked in at least four years, I want to do some hitchhiking!” Well, technically this isn’t true because me, my friend and Svarun did hitchhike in Tenerife last year. What I was probably after when the thought crossed my mind is: “I want that feeling of being open to an adventure and the feeling like I’m not rushing anywhere because I’ve got all the time in the world to get to my point B.”

The Universe said: Check. And Check.

And I say: I’ll play your game. Besides, thanks for setting this up for me. As ever.

With my wallet and my credit card being gone, I obviously cannot go to a shop or spend the money in any possible way. And with my wallet being gone, I obviously cannot drive, because I keep my driver’s licence there. So this is taken care of. Gee, thanks. I take the challenge, gladly. I’m going on a hitchhiking trip on Saturday to meet my sister at the seaside, and then I’ll turn 180° and go the other way to visit my best friend and her brand new baby boy, who was born six days ago. Sounds like a plan, doesn’t it?

Besides, if you’re getting worried – because I know a lot of people feel uneasy about hitchhiking – relax, please. It is perfectly safe to go hitchhiking here in Slovenia. Actually, I will go so far as to claim that it is perfectly safe to go on hitchhiking anywhere in the world, as long as you’ve tended to your mind beforehand. If you have a belief system that tells you that this world is a dangerous place, where bad things happen to people, I think you’d be better off buying that bus ticket. If your belief system is telling you that women are weaker and get hurt more easily, you’re better off staying at home. And if you think that hitchhiking is a great way to meet your next teacher in this life, I’d say sticking out that thumb is completely in order!

This reminds me of our last hitchhiking adventure in Tenerife last year. Me, my friend and Svarun went for a day trip to the other part of the island. We were showing up hitchhiking back pretty late, because Svarun had tantrums the whole day, so naturally the crying and the fussing were slowing us down. We were far up north and it was getting dark, when suddenly this dreadlock pulls over.

“Hi! We’re going to La Caleta,” we said.

“Sure, come on in,” he says.

We get to talking in the car and we were just telling him that we were staying on a beach and did fires everyday, when suddenly he stops: “Wait, which Caleta are you going to?”

“The beach, of course,” we said. He cracks up open and explains that the Caleta we are going to is in the other direction, but there is another Caleta nearby. Naturally he thought we were after the second one. He invites us to his place, where we can spend the night, he ends up cooking us dinner, and the next day he takes us all the way to our Caleta, where we spent the following couple of days camping together. And you may think that his invitation was a no-brainer, but actually I wanted to go on hitchhiking and reach our camp that same day.

I had a boyfriend over there and wanted cuddles, but then my friend said: “You can get cuddles tomorrow. I mean, look at this place, it’s amazing. And I really think this is calling for an adventure.”

I took a deep breath and said: “Yes”. I knew it was the Universe inviting. I accepted its invitation and went with the flow only to be left with feelings of gratitude, being cared for, being nourished, being loved and inspired. My acceptance turned into one of the best memories from last year’s trip.

Imagine we were accepting the things that are coming our way all the time. Well?

 

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This is him. Gabriel, thank you so much! You’re a teddy bear! Besitos a Luana.