On Being Real

If you have been following me at all up here, you know I’m taking this three-month course called Abundance Group, where we aim at developing our talents and gifts into abundance. It’s amazing. And it’s challenging to see that our acquired sense of self is often the jailer for all that we could be. That’s what I want to talk about today.

What I’ve come to notice is that I didn’t have any problems stating who I was. This is the question I’ve been dealing with fort he past decade:“Who am I, really?” And I’ve come to definitions and I’ve come to conclusions and I’ve come to internalize a set of beliefs about me that I hold dear to my heart and that make me feel right. For example, ever since I came to know the hippie movement from the late 1960’s in my early teens, I just knew: “Mom, I’m a hippie.” What got me about the hippies was their FREEDOM, but what made me stay was the prison that kept my mind believing: “It’s alright if I’m penniless, at least I’m free.” Excuse me, mind, but having a child and being penniless is no fun. Even the freedom, which was the reason that I signed up in the first place, turns to anxiety and rage when my son needs winter boots and I am in no way capable of buying a pair. I wasn’t, but luckily I always had family and friends who were. 

And then I started asking myself whether this was really who I was supposed to be? “Honestly, I’m here to be broke?”, I asked myself and paused.

The voice of the wise answered for me: “Well, if you’re buying this, I’m certainly not.” It was time to acquire a new sense of self. This sense of self made me describe myself as I did a few days ago.

I’m a woman and a mother who is aiming at balance of body, mind and soul. I am a researcher of life whose job is to find pleasure in every little step on the way. I am here to tell the truth about the way and I am here to be REAL.

Seeing the world that is fake and the people who fake in order to please or reach some sort of standards,  lights the fire on my way, because I’m here to question: “Whose standards?”. If you know the answer to this, right you are; if not, go deep inside and look for them for the answers always await until you come inside. We are our own standards and once we’ve caught a glimpse of ourselves, of our true light in being … that light is loyal enough to never let us go. Whatever we sense, or see, or feel, or hear, or touch inside – it’s all good. And if your mind can’t categorize that as good yet, know that that exact thing is a call for love; your love.

We are here to do pure magic, get it?

We are pure magic! From head to toe.

But in order to let the magic shine through, we must love and accept ourselves first. We have to come to terms with all of our pieces because none are better then others. None! Sure, we have come to accept the light and the dark, the up and the down, the left and the right, and yes, even the right and the wrong. But we have only come to know these because we live in a dualistic reality, where it’s easier to understand our different pieces as contrasts. There is no harm in that – as long as we also keep in mind that all of these contrasts can only apply to our particular viewpoints (that are unavoidably the products of our upbringing, education and experiences).

Try not to label your contrasts as right or wrong. If you do that, you will show the world only the pieces in you that you think are right and hide the rest. And that’s fake. And not only is it not REAL, but it will make the unloved, unappreciated pieces of you either sink in and hold a grudge – or (if you’re anything like me) rebel.

All of our pieces are right, because they are ours and because they are real and thus make us REAL. And if they’re showing you a part of yourself that you don’t like or try to ignore or deprive of love or starve to death … they are here because of that alone: to point the finger.

Today bathe the parts that you don’t accept in yourself with love. And let them be.

They make you REAL.

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Having to Decide? 

There is this subject in my life upon which I constantly feel the need to decide. Am I willing to put up with this or not? How will my life unfold if I walk away? There is this something that’s still keeping me from doing what I know I should and I don’t know what it is. Correction: my soul knows, but my mind is not ready to accept it. Which leaves me between a rock and a hard place. Indecisive. And every time I do take a decision and make it official, a new test is on the rise, checking up on me and having a good laugh: “Are you sure this time around?”

Whenever we are trying to decide upon something, we become stiff. All of the flexibility, which is the primal characteristic of our soul, vanishes and makes it impossible for us to dance and move and be. What to do instead? Let go.

Our soul is expansive beyond our imagination. It is constantly seeking new experiences, because those help our soul to realize itself in new ways. When we try hard to decide upon something, what we are really doing is caging our soul. Svarun is the perfect example of this; for one, he is a child and on top of that a libra, which probably makes his mind weigh things a bit further. What I noticed is very profound. Whenever I give him two or more options, he becomes frustrated, restless and willing to pick a fight. This is no wonder, since his soul wants all of it, but the mind is trying to convince him he only needs one of the two. Bollocks.

When our mind is not in alignment with our soul it is because the latter wants expression, while the first just wants control, at least most of the time. So in order to “decide”, let’s stop deciding right now. This very moment let us give our souls the experience of all of it by giving our minds the experience of nothing. No thing, no think, no thinking. Ha! When the soul is given the chance to experience everything within arm’s reach, it is sure to guide us, saying “this is me” when it finds fascination, and “this isn’t me” when it doesn’t.

Inspiration is the main food for our soul. When our soul experiences something fascinating, inspiring, exhilarating or exciting, you will know you’ve make the right decision. And the right decision is always the same: expand. Getting to know more makes it possible for us to be more.

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