Femininity and Masculinity

All human beings posses both, the masculine and the feminine aspect – two contrasting forces that are drawn towards each other. The feminine aspect is charged with negative polarity, yin, that welcomes, draws towards herself all that she desires, whereas the masculine aspect is overflowing with positive polarity, yang, that righteously fuels a man to take action towards achieving his goals. The feminine aspect is bound to be more abundant in women, but present in men as well, while the masculine should prevail in men, but should also be found in women.

One look at the western societies tells us that the aforementioned structure has been shattered, since most people – both men and women – predominantly live in their masculine essence of action, action, action. This should not come as a surprise if you take into account our education, our upbringing and the values that were passed on from a few generations back. We have all been taught since very early on that striving, pushing it and making it happen is the way to get things done around here. Having no other model to look up to, us women took up the masculine dynamic, went out into the world, achieved … and got back home exhausted and needing to take care of the kids, home, and our partner.

While the masculine approach may well serve men in initiating and igniting their desires, it will only drain, wear out and bring women to their last legs. Funnily enough, as I was checking the synonyms for “exhausted” on the internet, the dictionary’s first example sentence for the word “tired” said: “She came home tired from work.” You don’t really believe it was a coincidence that she was tired, not him? If even dictionaries, written by men and women in our society, say that women are bound to come home tired from work, it must also be written in our collective consciousness that the feminine aspect was not designed to fit the masculine society’s tight schedule. Indeed, women are not meant to use up much energy and force in order to achieve, because we excel at attracting and accepting the energy that we have pulled towards us. And yes, we accept everything that comes our way, including the energies and outcomes we might not want. For instance, did you know that during a sexual intercourse the woman accepts into her literal body not only the man’s penis, but his emotional state with all the baggage as well? Everything we as women accept into our own energy field, into our own being keeps piling up in our wombs until our creative centre is brimming with feelings and beliefs that not necessarily serve us.

If we know that as women we will accept everything that comes our way, we can start now to be the judge of what’s coming. To be the judges of what’s coming, the magnificent creators of our own life experiences, we must learn how to live from the feminine.

But how?

By listening, not speaking. Now shhh; open your inner ear.

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The Feminine Essence

Friday was a very busy day since I had to prepare all of the al-Iksir vegan goods that I would later that evening sell at a lovely event called Swap. Whenever my work involves kitchen magic, I put on inspiring talks, interviews or music on YouTube and turn on my receptive mode to make the time most enjoyable. I was just past my moon cycles and felt like I needed a feminine balm so I decided to look for my inspiration in Tami Lynn Kent, who guides women to reclaim the wild in themselves.

Most of my day was spent in the »I have to« mode, which is how I was used to get things done.

Not even close to being all set and done, I looked at the time and saw I was running late. »So what’s new,« the inner critic, who wants to live up to my father’s discipline, said. I let her words sting and flooded aimlessly around the flat, being more or less disappointed in myself because I had already predicted I would be late, mad at myself for wasting what I thought was too much time replying the messages on social media (though business-oriented) and anxious because I believed I wouldn’t manage to go hug and kiss Svarun, who was with my parents and my grandmother until after the event. I felt the familiar feeling of being drowned by my own unfinished chores and just as I was getting ready to take my last breath of sanity, I heard the echo of all of the interviews I had listened throughout the day. Immediately I hung myself onto the only arm, reaching out to my rescue from the very core of the Feminine. I resurfaced and hesitantly looked her in the eye.

»How many times did you realize that doing things the hard way was not okay, but you still go on pushing and battling against time and your body like they were the enemies?« I heard the critic again. I didn’t like her reproaching, but she was right. It was almost a year ago that I tiredly asked the Universe: »What must I do in order to be more effective with my work?« Against all of my expectations of being given a strategy, a fool-proof plan, I heard a few simple words: »You must deepen your spiritual practice.« After that I indeed deepened my spiritual practice of yoga and meditation, but solely on days when I didn’t actually have to get things done. Contrarily, on days like Friday I would still skip my morning yoga and meditation to save time and rush to get the real work done. Observant as I am, I would then notice later in the day that I was being distraught and impatient and would swear that I would never skip my peace work again, but when the next time came, I went the same old path. I still doubted that my spiritual practice was of much use in doing my business in real life because I still thought that real things had to be done the hard way, the masculine way. Things like life, raising up a kid, career, anything. I was still residing in my masculine and I did not trust my feminine to show me the way out of the stress and into the feminine essence.

On Friday she reached her hand out to save me from another exhausting day. She might have tried it before, but I didn’t see no hands before – I was too busy stressing out.  On Friday I was ready to see the hand, save myself and confront her. I had to look her in the eye, no matter how mad at me I thought she might be. As soon as our eyes met, though, I felt peace, I felt love, and I felt faith. I knew that she was in fact glad; glad I found my way home.

Such is the feminine essence.

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Photo courtesy of Teja Blatnik.

Thank you, my dearest, for being behind the camera and close to the heart.

On Being Real

If you have been following me at all up here, you know I’m taking this three-month course called Abundance Group, where we aim at developing our talents and gifts into abundance. It’s amazing. And it’s challenging to see that our acquired sense of self is often the jailer for all that we could be. That’s what I want to talk about today.

What I’ve come to notice is that I didn’t have any problems stating who I was. This is the question I’ve been dealing with fort he past decade:“Who am I, really?” And I’ve come to definitions and I’ve come to conclusions and I’ve come to internalize a set of beliefs about me that I hold dear to my heart and that make me feel right. For example, ever since I came to know the hippie movement from the late 1960’s in my early teens, I just knew: “Mom, I’m a hippie.” What got me about the hippies was their FREEDOM, but what made me stay was the prison that kept my mind believing: “It’s alright if I’m penniless, at least I’m free.” Excuse me, mind, but having a child and being penniless is no fun. Even the freedom, which was the reason that I signed up in the first place, turns to anxiety and rage when my son needs winter boots and I am in no way capable of buying a pair. I wasn’t, but luckily I always had family and friends who were. 

And then I started asking myself whether this was really who I was supposed to be? “Honestly, I’m here to be broke?”, I asked myself and paused.

The voice of the wise answered for me: “Well, if you’re buying this, I’m certainly not.” It was time to acquire a new sense of self. This sense of self made me describe myself as I did a few days ago.

I’m a woman and a mother who is aiming at balance of body, mind and soul. I am a researcher of life whose job is to find pleasure in every little step on the way. I am here to tell the truth about the way and I am here to be REAL.

Seeing the world that is fake and the people who fake in order to please or reach some sort of standards,  lights the fire on my way, because I’m here to question: “Whose standards?”. If you know the answer to this, right you are; if not, go deep inside and look for them for the answers always await until you come inside. We are our own standards and once we’ve caught a glimpse of ourselves, of our true light in being … that light is loyal enough to never let us go. Whatever we sense, or see, or feel, or hear, or touch inside – it’s all good. And if your mind can’t categorize that as good yet, know that that exact thing is a call for love; your love.

We are here to do pure magic, get it?

We are pure magic! From head to toe.

But in order to let the magic shine through, we must love and accept ourselves first. We have to come to terms with all of our pieces because none are better then others. None! Sure, we have come to accept the light and the dark, the up and the down, the left and the right, and yes, even the right and the wrong. But we have only come to know these because we live in a dualistic reality, where it’s easier to understand our different pieces as contrasts. There is no harm in that – as long as we also keep in mind that all of these contrasts can only apply to our particular viewpoints (that are unavoidably the products of our upbringing, education and experiences).

Try not to label your contrasts as right or wrong. If you do that, you will show the world only the pieces in you that you think are right and hide the rest. And that’s fake. And not only is it not REAL, but it will make the unloved, unappreciated pieces of you either sink in and hold a grudge – or (if you’re anything like me) rebel.

All of our pieces are right, because they are ours and because they are real and thus make us REAL. And if they’re showing you a part of yourself that you don’t like or try to ignore or deprive of love or starve to death … they are here because of that alone: to point the finger.

Today bathe the parts that you don’t accept in yourself with love. And let them be.

They make you REAL.

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Navdih

Med pobiranjem grozdja, katerega esenca bo čez tri leta povezovala iskrivi francoski šampanjec, sem dva meseca tega začutila, kako hvaležna sem, da lahko hodim po svoji poti. Seveda sem čutila mnogo vsega: od bolečih kolen in bicepsov in hrbta do občasne nejevolje in vrtoglavega navdušenja, ko sva v objemu Grape Team-a s Tjašo (večglasno) prepevali, ali z Dariem govorila po dolgem in počez o Indiji, ali z Diegom obdelovala terapevtsko naravo marijuane. Čutila sem vse to, predvsem pa sem čutila, da moje mesto ni med trtami Champagne brez mojega štiriletnika. Izkušnja, seveda. Krasna. Nepopisna. Enkratna … dobesedno … enkratna; enkrat je bilo dovolj. Fizično delo mi je izsrkalo vso kreativno energijo. Obožujem skakljanje naokrog in obožujem Francijo z njenim croissant au beurre konkretno, ampak bolj kot sem razmišljala, bolj sem videla, da ko pridem domov, bom pričela stvari zastavljati drugače. Sanjalo se mi ni, kako. Nisem se obremenjevala s tem. Vedela sem samo, da me čaka … novo poglavje.

Smešno in dragoceno, kako mi na potovanjih vedno uspe stvari pogledati z drugega zornega kota. Dve leti tega, ko sva s Svarunom šla v Apenine, sem prišla domov polna navdiha in ognja in začela ustvarjati energijske ploščice in granole v okviru al-Iksirja. Lani sem s Kanarskih prišla polna vtisov in se lotila še pisati … ker je pač beseda glas in glas moje darilo svetu. In sedaj sem se s Francije vrnila popolnoma trezna in fokusirana in z jasno vizijo, kam naprej. Kam?

Tja, kamor sem si želela od časov, ko je bil Svarun še mali fižolček v mojem trebuhu.

Odkrivat ta Planet, v njem spet in spet Navdih sprejet in ga delit naprej v Svet.

In vedela sem: »Če hočem v svet, če hočem, da se moj sin uči od sveta in njegovih ljudi, da se drugačnosti ne boji, in da lahko pogleda vsakogar v oči – potlej se bo potrebno organizirat malo drugače; se bo potrebno spoprijateljit s prvo čakro denarja in moči, ki sem se ju tako izogibala. Čas je. Pripravljena sem bolj, kot sem si kdaj mislila.«

In sem se v sklopu Abundance Group, trimesečnega online izobraževanja, kjer svoje talente razvijamo do stanja Izobilja, v raziskovanje svojih želja. Oddelali smo šele en teden, pa se mi je vidno polje razširilo že za 200%. Vsaj. In najboljši del? Končno lahko upravičeno sanjam. J

Vedno so mi govorili, da sem sanjava. Res. Bila sem v oblakih in neprisotna večino časa. Tedaj sem sanjala … v zraku. In ko je prišel čas za akcijo, sem se umaknila, ker v sebi nisem bila dovolj, da bi lahko nosila vse. Sedaj je drugače; sedaj sem drugačna. Sanjam, ker vem, da se pri sanjah vse začne. Ne sanjam več v zraku, da bi pobegnila od zemeljskih stvari. Na zemlji sanjam in ogenj kreacije me podpira.

Kako to izgleda v praksi, se morda sprašujete med mojim zračnim navajanjem štirih podpornih elementov?

V petek smo, na primer, morali zapisati številko svojega željenega letnega prihodka. To se pravi: morali smo se dati v najboljši, najvišji občutek radosti, ko bo naša kreacija že tukaj, otipljiva, in zaslišati, koliko bi tedaj želeli s to kreacijo zaslužiti letno.

Najprej sem bila skromna. Najprej sem vzela mojo znano mentaliteto pomanjkanja za izhodišče. Potem pa me je zamikalo ali drugače povedano – duša si je zaželela izkušnje … vsaj razmišljanja o tem, da bi bila številka lahko višja in kaj bi to pomenilo. Zame in za svet. Dala sem si duška in razmišljala. In kmalu seveda prišla do vprašanja: »Ampak – kaj bom jaz s toliko denarja? Saj ga ne rabim.«

In potem, v odgovor, mi je prišlo zavedanje, da ni ključ v tem, kaj bo zame … ampak za svet. In prsni koš se je začel širiti ob sami pomisli, koliko ljudem bi lahko nanudila opore, ki sem jo jaz dobila – in tiste, ki sem jo pogrešala; koliko ženskam bi lahko dala priložnost, ki sem jo jaz dobila – ali pa sem si je želela; koliko samohranilkam bi lahko omogočila sočutno varstvo, ki sem ga jaz za Svaruna dobila – ali pa samo rabila; in nenazadnje, koliko projektov zagretih ljudi z iskricami v očeh in svetlobo v srcu, bi lahko podprla … in s tem pomagala delati ta svet lepši. Za nas. Za naše otroke. Za njih otroke.

Ker, roko na srce, v tem je ključ. V tem je definicija uspeha, merilo radosti in NAVDIH, ki hrani dušo. V tem, koliko lahko DANES prispevam k lepšemu, svetlejšemu, nežnejšemu, lahkotnejšemu svetu … tiči bistvo mojega obstoja. Saj veste, ker smo Vsi Eno. In to sedaj še bolj čutim, kot kadarkoli prej.

Hvala Sari za čudovito izobraževanje, ki mi premika meje znanega in odpira neznana obzorja že po enem tednu.

Hvala Vesolju, ker mi je tako lepo tole izobraževanje pripeljalo v objem.

Hvala Vam, ker skupaj soustvarjamo Svet, v katerem si želimo živeti.

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Gotta Love Him, the Scorpio

Do you feel the Scorpio’s rule this year? It seems highly unlikely but this year, I felt immediately when the happy-go-lucky Libra set off and king of the shadow, Scorpio, took over. I know that because I started to feel more tension running through my veins than normally. That, and more visits to my shadows than usual.

My shadow emotion has got to be anger. It’s the first feeling I would get when something doesn’t go according to the plan. I’m not a particularly fearful human being, and I don’t get gloomy all that often – but I will get angry in no time. Anger is the one that’s using up the fire of my bright spirit – when I’m not tuned in. Into myself. Into my body and mind. When my head is calculating the earnings, the to-do list, the people I have to call, the articles I have to write … instead of noticing what’s here and now.

And what’s been here and now is my beautiful son, figuring out this world. This past week he didn’t go to kindergarten so we spent all of our days together all the time. For the first couple of days I didn’t even do my yoga or meditation, but when I saw where this has brought me (and consequently us) I quickly called a halt to the absence of inner-goddess-time. I need this time as I do my oxygen to stay alive – and I took that time as I do my oxygen … even if he regularly uses my downward dog for a bridge to climb under, and even if I use a non-harming cartoon with no commercials to relax into a meditation. Well, it’s called life!

So yeah, it’s been wackadoodle around here. But I chose it because I wanted to see how far along am I in managing my roles as a woman, mother, mompreneur, single parent and constant teacher and student thingy – at the same time. What?! I’m getting better, though. My technique?  Try to remember as often as I can that:

  1. Life is not as serious as I tend to think of it. So laugh a little. Or a lot. Actually … don’t ever stop.
  2. All is good because I’m exactly where I need to be … I just need to come out of my head and notice where I’m being.

So even though I have had to try much harder to accept life’s situations with laughter, rather then with anger, I’m still here, bolder and brighter. And you know what?

There is nowhere else I’d rather be because

there is no skin that would better fit me.

I walking the feminine journey a step at a time

never forgetting that whatever is here to chew –

it’s fine, because it’s mine.

I’m focused on not forgetting that I’m here to shine,

and to turn all of the worldly things into my shrine.

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You’re Already There

Today was a good reminder that I don’t have to get anywhere – because I’m already there. I used to live in a very conditional state of mind where I would have to be thinner in order to go out in high school, wiser in order to start exposing my truth and my beliefs, older in order to feel better in my own skin or even calmer in order to call my attempts at trance – meditation. Who said that?

Isn’t it time to expose my truth when I feel that aching feeling in my chest and I know the words are going to rip me open if I don’t speak or write or sing them out immediately? Isn’t meditation supposed to be about accepting the state I’m in, no matter what that might be?

Yesterday me and Svarun went for a lovely autumn walk with my best friend and her baby boy. After a while of walking, Svarun starts asking when we are going get “there”. My friend answers: “Don’t worry, we’re already there.”

He looks at me, puzzled, and I confirm. Sure, we’re already there.

We’re right in this moment where we need to have this exact experience we’re having. And yes, we might feel tense, we might be overflowed with chores and calls, and we might need a lot of energy to squeeze that smile out instead of a hiss, but we’re here for a reason. The reason is to remember what keeps us going at all times and always act with respect upon it.

In that split second that you have, choose respect. Embrace your tension, your sadness, your anger, your fear, your disappointment, your impatience … but choose respect.

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