A wanderlusty weekend is past us.
I have arranged to crash one of my friends’ couch in Ljubljana on because I wanted to go to Posočje the next day to hang out with our beloved river Soča again after awhile. She cancelled. Surprisingly, I wasn’t angry or disappointed as I would normally be. I let it go and said to myself that I always managed to fix it, so I will fix it this time, too. Then another friend cancelled because she got her period. I wasn’t angry or disappointed.
I said: »Alrighty, we’ll just go home and that’s that. No biggy.« But then Svarun’s grandmother invited us over and we gladly accepted.
Sure, why not, I said, »I’ll even get to work a little at night if the two of them hang out, which is perfect because I really wanted to finish describing the workshop I’m giving next month. Of course I didn’t manage to do it, but I still went to bed calm and happy – and not frustrated because I hadn’t done what I wanted.
The clock changed that day and so I woke up at half past five, because I’m used to waking up before seven during the week, to get Svarun ready for daycare.
»Wouldn’t it be amazing if Svarun slept some more and I could meditate and finish what I wanted to yesterday. No, wait, wouldn’t it be amazing if I could go on a downing walk around Ljubljana? Ah, that would be a gem.« I thought to myself while peeing, but when I got back to bed, Svarun had already woke up. Okay, change of plans.
»We either go back to bed or we go together for a walk. Playing is out of the question because I don’t want the kid downstairs, Svarun’s grandmother’s little roommate, to wake up because of us.« We tried with the sleeping thing, but got hungry and shared a persimmom instead. I started liking the idea of us going for a walk together so I mentioned it to Svarun. He didn’t think it was such a good idea, which at first I didn’t really like … but then decided to accept the gift of a solo walk. My legs took me to the bridge under which I used to sing some five years ago because the echo is just amazing. I went there to receive a gift.
As I was approaching it, I trembled. It’s been a long time! But as I stood up and walked there to greed the holy space … I noticed something very profound. I noticed the change in me. Once I used to go there to sing songs for somebody who couldn’t hear me; I used to go there to long. This time, I couldn’t feel any longing within, but I could feel a lot of creative fire. How I wished back then to be whole, to be at peace with myself and the world, to be a woman. How good it feels to realize I have become just that. There is nowhere else I’d rather be than in this life, bringing dream seeds to life. It’s magic.
It’s truly inspiring to take a look at the path we had already walked. When was the last time you did that?
Ole to you.
Ole to us.
And ole to everyone who dares to go back and receive the gift of realization.