Afraid of Being Bored?

The past few days at a festival were busy, diverse, and lively. As I was going, I could barely keep up with the pace and the heat. But retrospectively, at the end of each day, I felt relaxed, nurtured and full. The happening made me realize how much I’d missed diversity … so I drank it all up these past few days. In fact, I downed it – bottoms up! And it felt good because it made me feel truly alive. The abundance of impressions, change, and fluidity settle for a day fully lived.

But when the routine kicks in, I find myself barely differing a Monday from a Saturday. Although my days tend to still be diverse with a three-year-old on batteries, I slow down. I start to let go and I stop to expect phenomenal things to happen. Quite the contrary from those adrenalin-filled days … when I, not a keen night driver, find myself determined and excited to go on a festival that same night, set up the tent when I get there at 11:30 pm, and go catch the last concert afterwards. I am way more likely to remember these days than those, when my life revolves around cooking and bedtime stories.

And, filling my days to the brim with people, tasks, recipes to try out, new things to show to Svarun, and places to go,  I ask myself … am I worried of being bored?

I had a boyfriend who was afraid of getting bored in the bedroom department, so he kept coming up with proposals of threesomes, foursomes, fools and horses. Clearly, I’m joking about the last, but it’s true about the rest. I never tried to understand his inclinations, but I knew that what he really needed not to get bored was the gentleness of a Goddess to lead him by the hand and into the land of Sacred Sexuality, where every breath is different from the other and where the key is not in diversity, but in surrendering to the moment. I didn’t know how to be that Goddess at that point, but I’m getting there now. I feel the Goddess’ pull into the Sacred Realms of Awareness especially in moments such as the below, where I get to exercise my own surrendering to the moment. That is only possible by cultivating your presence.

Today it hit me that I want more adrenalin-filled free-flowing days of music and dance. I want to dance. And when it hit me that I want more things “exciting enough to be worth remembering”, life lovingly showed me the other side of the equation.

Me and Svarun were driving in the car, and we had some dates in a jar in the back seat of the car from the festival. Svarun took and munched on the dates, and gave one to me.

Then he says: “Can you give me two hazelnuts, please? Then I can put them in the dates and eat the nom-nom goodies.”

That’s something we frequently do: we take a nut of choice and put it inside a date for a healthy, happy and nutritious dessert, or dip the date inside a nut butter for an occasional revelation. He inspired me to put a hazelnut inside my half-eaten date as well. I could easily munch down the concoction without paying much attention, but the Goddess made me look at my dessert and notice … I was eating an acorn. The golden brown date hat sat upon a sandy hazelnut and looked too cute to eat. I was driving my car, looking at the acorn, and my heart was smiling. I was being there and then. I surrendered to the moment, enjoying it to the brim because I recognized the value in it. It may have only looked like a car ride and dates, but it much more to offer: presence, surrender, beauty.

What if every moment of the day has so much to offer if we surrender to it?

I thought to myself: “Won’t you look at this. We’re eating acorns in the middle of the afternoon, having a laugh with my boy. Life is good.” The feeling of contentment flushed my body, followed by the feeling of gratitude – to that very moment and to life that helped me realize my Here and Now are what is worth living for, to myself for being able to notice the goodness of life, and to Svarun for slowing down my pace constantly so I can just … BE.

Later I thought how many different thoughts could have entered my awareness as I was eating my dessert, thoughts like “Why am I eating at this point, anyway?” or “I’m not hungry anyway, but I do have a sweet tooth” or ”What else do I have to do after Svarun falls asleep tonight?”. But the call for more Sacredness in my life, which I call The Goddess, brought me by the hand to an everyday moment of staring at a made-up acorn and surrendering to the moment. Being present. Seeing the gift that the moment brought.

The call for more Sacredness in my life brought me to the tools of Those Who Create Life.

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